Men only want one thing–that‘s the generalization spread by those who would protect all of us guileless females from males of a certain age, the age which begins at puberty and ends sometime after erectile dysfunction.  If only it were that simple…. Eventually, men develop complex thought patterns that allow them to begin thinking of and desiring more than one thing–including a disproportionately large number of inanimate things.  (Apparently men like things that don’t talk to them, though they will indulge women, children and certain talking electronics devices.)

Men complain of how hard it is to buy gifts for women, but men can be equally difficult to buy for.  They generally don’t want the stuff we’d buy them, anymore than we want some of the stuff they bring us.  I have long ago stopped buying Beloved Soul Mate clothing, because all those handsome garments in the back of his closet seemed so forlorn.

Men may accuse women of expensive tastes, but most of the things they want are big ticket items like cars, boats, sporting equipment, event tickets or electronics.  Fortunately, they also like quite a few things which are within anyone’s price range–such as validation, food and intimacy.  If you want to make his Valentine’s Day special for him, go cheap and give him the things he can’t buy.

Unless you are with the wrong man, more than anything else, HE wants to be the man you dream about.  He wants to be respected and admired for who he is.  It’s so simple, yet, the longer we are in relationship, the  more apt we are to neglect communicating our admiration.  While you’re reminding him what it is about him you love, remind him why he fell in love with you, by doing your best to be as attractive and charming as you were when he fell for you.

That should be enough to make him putty, but why stop there when  you could go for a hat trick.  After admiration, there are two other things of which men rarely get enough–food & sex.  Since Valentine’s Day is usually a day on which they wine & dine us, why not surprise him by canceling the reservations and letting dinner be on you this year?  You can give him a perfectly wonderful hassle-free evening and with the money saved he can buy himself or you something special!

You’re probably thinking it’s too late to throw together a perfect evening, but never was there a more appropriate time to recall that old K.I.S.S. acronym.    Remember “Keep it simple sweetheart”?

For our first course, I suggest something green.  I like cold steamed asparagus, but broccoli or a even salad out of a bag would be equally nice.  Garnish it with bell pepper heart and you’ll look like one of those hotties from The Food Network.

Next, shrimp cocktail–as simple or as complicated as you like.  You can buy shrimp, cooked and peeled, so that all you have to do is combine it with your favorite cocktail sauce.  Here, I’ve arranged the shrimp in a heart shaped dish then inverted it onto a nice plate.  If that’s too much work, arrange shrimp around the rim of an attractive dish or goblet as I’ve done here with this pretty margarita glass.

For the entrée, I suggest a nice juicy steak.  The one pictured above n above is a butterflied rib-eye, AKA a Sweetheart Cut Rib Eye steak.  Butterfly your own, or ask your butcher to do it for you.  Not only is it charming, but it’s meant to be shared, meaning that the meal is already going to be more intimate than what you’d have in a restaurant.

The meal is simple and simply romantic, because it begs for intimate interaction.  Pour something nice to drink.  Relax and enjoy spending time with your special someone.  Another thing men never tire of is the good company and conversation of a woman they love, and what could be more seductive than feeding your love a bit of this or that with your fingers?   (Yet another reason to love asparagus.)

Follow this up with something simple like fresh fruit or chocolates arranged on a plate.  Afterward you can decide for yourselves what to have for dessert.

That silly day, on which, we make a fuss about romance is less than a week away.  If you’re over the age of eight, there’s a good chance it will disappoint you–though my teen son says, he still likes it because someone usually gives him candy.   It’s possible I have become jaded, while  the rest of the world is still full of hopeless romantics, but I am convinced Valentine’s Day is overrated.

I read up on Valentine’s Day, this left me more confused than before.  There seems to be no clear notion of who St. Valentine was or how a “saints” day devolved to our modern day cutesy celebration.  Though the holiday commemorates a man, the accoutrements of Valentine’s Day are mostly geared toward women–hearts, flowers–all that pink and red.  Seriously, walk down a Valentine’s gift-aisle and ask yourself what respectable man would know how to accept a miniature pink teddy bear–more importantly ask yourself what female over age 17 would want one.

HINT:  Guys, when you see the small teddy bears, keep walking, preferably to a different store.

Though most women love romance, Valentine’s Day has an antithetical way of reminding us how romance-deficient our lives are.  It is a day when our fate is subject to the whims of the chunky cherub; who seems only to dress for toga parties, our most significant relationships are trivialized through cards, and our sense of worth can be diminished if our significant other fails to convey love.  It is the day when we are reminded men don’t understand us nearly as well as we wish they did, nor do they have any realistic notion as to the size or style of lingerie we’d wear.

Only the most Herculean of men will pass the test which requires them to produce a gift which adequately epitomizes their sentiments–yet some compound the challenge, by shopping at Walgreen’s at 4:45 on February 14th.  For them, it just another occasion on which their efforts to please will be evaluated, like a midterm exam for lovers.

How you feel about February the 14th, romance and men in general is largely the result of your relationship history.  You may be one of those who hates being single or one of those who adores it.

If you are single and hating it, there are two things you can do.  First, convince yourself this is the year in which you will meet that special someone who will guarantee next Valentine’s Day won’t be a miserable repeat of this one.  That’s a good strategy, but in the meantime, I suggest Wite-Out.  Use it to eradicate February 14th from your calendar, then replace the date with February 29th.  Since three out of four years, Feb 29th is all but forgotten, it is the perfect “No Date” date.

If you are single with a man in your life, you are in the demographic most likely to enjoy the day–but don’t count on it.  The caliber of your current relationship will likely determine the quality of your Valentine’s Day.  If you are blissfully and ecstatically happy, you probably don’t care if he gets you anything.  Ironically, if you’re that happy, it’s probably because he’s the kind of guy who will manage to produce a perfectly thoughtful token of his love.  If so, the most gracious thing you can do is tell your less-happy girlfriends he bought you a new bathmat.  There is simply no reason to tell the less-fortunate anything that will make them feel more impoverished.

If you are one in a relationship, with which you are dissatisfied, Valentine’s Day will not redeem the situation.  Knowing this, you must lower your expectations–how else will you be able to feign excitement when he presents you with a silk rose from the counter of 7-11 or a teensy red teddy bear?

If you are one of the few who is happy not to be bothered with a man in your life, you are the equivalent of a gifted student, because you have learned how to enjoy life on your own terms whether or not you have the company of a man.  If you are in that category, celebrate the realization that your happiness is not contingent on having a man in your life, but don’t go out on Valentine’s Day.  (People like you tend to have no trouble attracting men.)

No matter what your status, February 14th is a great day to toast yourself with a glass of bubbly,  indulge in extra chocolates or buy yourself flowers!

Some days I caution my male readers, lest they learn more than they wanted to know about women.  Today is not one of those days.  This one was written for the girls, but intended for the men.  Your mother told you romance wouldn’t last, but she failed to teach you why.  So, in the spirit of  No Man-Child left behind–I invite you to enter the world of tuition-free education.

For today’s Language Arts lesson, we will brush up on a vocabulary word that many men are still having trouble understanding.

Today’s word is romance.

The English language is filled with words that cause confusion.  There, their and they’re cause confusion.  Layed and laid trouble many.  Laying and lying can really get people in trouble.

[The teacher winks as she tells her class that “laying and lying” will be addressed another day--but for now back to today‘s subject.]

Romance is often confused with it’s closely related counterpart–sex.

Women want romance.  Men think they want it too.

Gentlemen!  You’ve already demonstrated your confusion, because you mistakenly thought when the woman said she wanted romance, she meant sex.

To clarify:  Sex can be romantic and romance can be sexy.  However, at no point is sex romance, conversely at no point is romance sex.

The confusion is understandable.  Both sex and romance are intimate expressions between two people who are very, very fond of each other–at least in theory.  Unfortunately, sometimes romance is used as a kind of currency exchanged for sex and vice verse.  (Sort of like that Euros and Francs things,  which is also confusing.)  There are also times when Euros, francs, and dollars are exchanged for sex, but I digress.

Just as every man wants to feel like a man, every girl, no matter how young or old, wants to be made to feel like a woman.

Here is a simple rule to help you remember what you need to know.

Sex is that which makes a man feel like a man–(Being able to provide for one’s loved ones does this too, but it’s not nearly as enjoyable.)

Romance is that which makes a woman feel like a woman–the kind of woman who is desired.

Still, sex & romance are both are short-lived.  Listed below is a list of things emblematic of romance.  I have included this so that you might consider the shelf-life of these items.  A list of sex comparables is not necessary.  You probably have an idea how long those last, though actual results may vary.

Flowers, candle-lit dinners, love songs, kisses, chocolates–each of these things has a very short lifespan.

Flowers die.

Candles burn.

Love songs and kisses are forgotten.

Chocolates disappear.  (Know one ever knows what happened to them.)

Expensive dinners end up in unfortunate places–we don’t even want to get into that.

Just like sex, they’re great, but they don’t last.  This is why romance is so fleeting.  Afterward the only thing left are the memories.  There’s the rub.  Just as men are not content to remember the last time they had sex, women are not content to remember how sweet the chocolates, they never touched were.  Therefore, to insure romance is not lost, romantic gestures must be repeated regularly.

Moving now into the subject of economics:  Men fail to see the value of things that don’t last.  (Too bad Craftsman doesn’t manufacture the things women really want.)   To men, most romantic gestures are too expensive and require an unnatural amount of effort.   Gentlemen, I assure you, the time and expense are both good investments.

Take flowers as an example.  Men have trouble understanding why they should pay $40 for for something that won’t  last a week.   Yes, it’s true flowers usually peak just before they start to go limp–not unlike something else, but try to buy $40 dollars of that “something else” and you’ll start to see what an excellent value flowers can be.  (Not that anyone’s buying or selling here, I’m just sayin’.)  If the flowers are very nice and given with a heartfelt sentiment you might get a better return on that $40 than you’d ever dreamed possible.  This is simple economics, not rocket science.

Of course flowers won’t work every time or on every woman.  That’s why you have to  mix it up.  Some good mixers are loving words, twilight walks, sentimental notes, sincere compliments, or being a good listener.  After you’ve mastered these, you might move on to picnic-in-a-secluded-place, the honey-I’ve-drawn-you-a-luxurious-bubble-bath, the weekend away or almost anything that surprises or delights.  When all else fails, try fine jewelry.

So here’s the take-away lesson.  Romance and sex are not the same.  You have to make her feel good, if you have any hope of having her make you feel good.  If you don’t  remember anything else, take note of this:  You know how often you want sex?  That’s approximately how often we want romance–though like you, we often settle for less.

Review, remember, practice.

Does everyone have a soul mate?
Is there only one?
Are there more than one?  Are there many?
How can you know if you’ve really found yours?
Is it possible to miss yours?
Is it possible to get someone else’s?

Questions like this aren’t everyone’s cup of philosophical drivel, but inherent in the idea of the “soul mate” are all kinds of cosmic implications–which are intertwined with one’s beliefs.  In my own values set; theology, family and sexuality are all very important, so the questions and answers overlap.

For those who believe that God knows all before it happens, there is no other reality than the one we ultimately end up living.  However, according to Christian theology we are all self-governing creatures guided by our own self will–so if we choose the wrong person with whom to procreate, are the wrong children born?
If we choose the wrong person does God re-route us like some kind of Divine GPS–or are we on the wrong path forever after?

We make choices–including choosing a life partner.  As our lives progress, we later have time to consider the choices we made, and the ones we didn’t make; causing us to consider what those choices might have meant.

How the interface between God the Omniscient and the rest of us hapless saps works is very mysterious–making the question of whether or not we have a predetermined life partner even more incomprehensible. Is this a “one-per-person” kind of deal?  If so, then choosing the wrong life partner could mean you’ve doomed someone else to a life of misery with the wrong person.

Most of us dream of finding our true soul mate.  Either vaguely and/or unconsciously we ask ourselves these questions.  Having a single soul mate suggests that the cosmos wants us all to be happily monogamous.  Women usually embrace monogamy a little easier than men.  For many men, the thought of ONE woman forever and ever is hard to embrace–causing them to drag their feet whenever they get anywhere near the altar.

Theoretically, if you’ve found YOUR soul mate, a perfect marriage should be assured.  Perfect marriage?  What’s that? I’d sooner believe I’d meet the real Santa.
Easy marriages are more the exception than the rule, so when marriage challenges us, we may begin to wonder if we married the wrong person..  Hmmm.  Is it possible you married your cousin’s soul mate or your neighbor’s?

This is the kind of stuff you don’t want to spend to much time thinking about–or pretty soon you‘ll be writing plots for the next version of the Twilight Zone.  I know this because I’ve given this too much thought.  As a result, I’ve come to some conclusions that are based on absolutely nothing of substance–which is one of the best parts of having a blog, people are actually willing to read the skewed stuff that falls out of my head.

That aside, here’s what I’ve concluded:  It is unlikely that we each have only one soul mate.  When we marry most of us are convinced there is one and that it happens to be the fancy-dressed person standing next to us.  Perhaps some marry thinking “This person is so wrong for me”, but I wasn’t invited to that wedding.

If there is only one, that’s really tough.  It’s a big world out there, and you could spend your entire life trying to sift through the chaff and/or chappies to find that person.  God help you if your single perfect match happens to be living in Jabootie, or one of those God-forsaken little Texas towns.

I prefer to believe that the number of possible soul mates is related to one’s ability to love.  Anytime you decide to commit to one person, there is a hell of a lot of failed humanity to embrace.  If you are a person with a great capacity to love you may have many possible soul mates.   A large, generous and gracious heart makes it much easier to connect intimately with another individual.  However, loving someone is never enough–if it were, there would be far less sad songs on the radio.

Finding someone you can fall in love with is the easy part–the harder part is finding someone who can truly love you.

So with apologies to Carl Sagan, I think it’s doubtful that the number of soul mates is determined by the cosmos.  I’m pretty sure it’s all about us.