Posts Tagged ‘parties’

‘Tis the season, the season which ushers in that other season…

There are two times of the year, when invitations are too plentiful.  The first occurs between spring and summer when end-of-the year recitals, picnics, and awards banquets are followed by graduations, weddings, BBQ’s and usually a baby shower or two.   The second is the season beginning in fall, and lasting through the last pretzel of the Superbowl–guaranteeing that the already-too-busy holiday season will be even busier.

Parties are fun–at least they are supposed to be.  Unfortunately, they aren’t all fun, and even when they are, not everyone enjoys them.   There are those who live for the next party and those who dread them all.  Most of us are somewhere in between, but even the most sociable can find it challenging to enjoy a party.

The invitations we receive are supposed to be optional, but many come with obligations or implications, which cause us to attend things we’d rather skip.  As a result, we may find ourselves wearing clothes we aren’t comfortable in, talking to people whose company we may not enjoy, on evenings when we’d prefer the comfort of  home, a bathrobe and Conan O’Brien.

Women seem to be able to muster more enthusiasm for social gatherings than men.  This shouldn’t come as a big surprise, considering we enjoy talking and dressing up more than most men.  That’s a broad generalization, but try to imagine men using home parties selling stuff like car care products or grill accessories as an excuse to socialize.  (In my head I’m trying to picture Beloved Soul Mate at a buddy’s house for a a home demo of Turtle Wax.)

Even if it is true that women are socially more at ease, more than 40% of adults consider themselves shy, and even those who would call themselves extroverts can experience anxiety in social settings.  For those who dread the inevitable social functions, here are some obvious and simple tips;  because enjoying a party isn’t supposed to be hard.

1.  The most important thing is remembering you are not the only one who may feel self-conscious in social situations.  If you are uneasy, it is likely others are too.  Though it is natural to internalize the discomfort, don’t be consumed by worries about what others are thinking of you.  The others are most likely just as anxious about making a favorable impression–or not making a bad one.

2. If you wait for other “shy” people  to break the ice, it could be a very long chilly evening.  By being the one who takes the initiative, you will quickly make the environment more friendly.  It is as simple as introducing yourself, and while this will feel like a huge risk, it will put others at ease and cause you to seem more socially confident than you probably feel.

3. Once introductions are made, there is the inevitable small talk.  Small talk is awkward, until you establish something  both parties can talk about.   Talk about the season, the decorations, the food, how the other person knows the host, or how long they’ve been with the company.  You can even talk about how awkward it is to make small talk.  Kids, dogs and sports are also easy fallback subjects.

4. Lighten up and have a sense of humor.  The point of a party is to have fun, so if you make a gaf, don’t let it spoil your evening.  Having a sense of humor is almost always a good thing, except on those uncomfortable occasions when someone makes an offensive attempt at humor.  In those situations, you may want to quietly excuse yourself to refill your punch cup (or your shot glass).

5.  Speaking of shot glasses..even when alcohol is served, you don’t have to drink it.  Drinking is more acceptable at some parties than others.  While passing out on a couch may be fine form at a reunion of the fraternity brothers,  professional functions are a good time to practice moderation.

6. Every social function has unspoken rules.  If  you try to get a read on what kind of atmosphere the party hosts intend, you won’t feel like the only one who missed the memo.  Be considerate of the hosts, by following suggested dress codes, contributing food or drink if asked, or complying with the parameters of the inevitable holiday gift exchange.   While you’re at it, pick up a little something for the party host(s).  This isn’t required, but it doesn’t take much effort and conveys thoughtfulness.

7.  While you’re being so thoughtful, remember to R.S.V.P.   Later, if your plans change, be sure to inform your host(s).  If you’re expected to attend, do your best to show up, preferably on time.  Being late may seem fashionable, but it is very inconsiderate, if it causes others to wait on you.

Parties are supposed to be relaxing, not stressful.  If you’ve been invited, it is because the host or hostess is hoping you’ll enjoy the occasion.   Showing your appreciation can be as easy as enjoying the food, company and atmosphere.  In a season that is often frantic, do yourself a favor and have a little fun.