Posts Tagged ‘men’

On any given day, you’ll see them, the men on the benches outside stores at the mall.  Patiently, they wait, as the women browse every store.  Admirable or pathetic, they wait ,wondering how much longer she’ll be.

There are not as many men who go to the mall with their wives or girlfriends, as those who stay home, doing whatever it is men do while women shop, because most men don’t understand the way women shop.As a  woman goes from store-to-store looking, the men wonder why it takes them so long to find what they’re looking for.  For most men shopping is a challenge–like a hunt.  To come home empty-handed is to fail.  Bagging something–anything makes the hunt a success.  It would seem that when it comes to shopping, men and women are wired differently.  The woman lets the quest continue as she shops for the perfect [insert noun of choice here].

Though a man may not understand why a woman looking for the perfect pair of shoes or the perfect dress, can try on dozens of seemingly similar items and still be looking for something else, when it comes to choosing women, some men shop more like women, than they realize.  You know the ones, those guys who are always looking for someone or something they can’t seem to find.

There was a time when men may not have known exactly what they wanted in a wife or girlfriend, yet they managed to find one.  That was back when relationships were thought of as a launching point for forever after–instead of a stop-gap, ’til something better came along. Unfortunately, with sex-before-marriage now more the rule than the exception, and marriages are often short-lived, some men are no longer looking for a women to grow old with, instead they are looking for a women who will never grow old to them.

With sex readily available, men are more wary of monogamy and it’s implications and with so many choices, they may be reluctant to settle on one.  Relationships have become a gamble, as iffy as buying something at a store with a no-refund policy.  Maybe he sees something he likes, but only after he’s laid out a hefty chunk of money, will he discover the package was misleading, it wasn’t what he’d hoped, or that it isn’t going to last.

When it comes to women, some guys are are exactly like women shopping for the perfect pair of shoes.

There are so many to choose from, many styles, colors and sizes.  It’s up to him how many he tries on, and he is free to discard them if they don’t suit him, OR if he believes he might find something better. So while the women around him wonder why he won’t settle down or what it is he’s looking for, he’s narrowing his choices.  Women may not understand it, but they should–at least with a little decoding.

SHOPPING FOR THE PERFECT SHOES vs.  SHOPPING FOR THE PERFECT WOMAN

• She says: These are too wide. He says: She’s too wide.
  
• She says: This shoe is too narrow. He says: She’s narrow-minded, she doesn’t think the way I do.
  
• She says: I like these, but they pinch. He says: She cramps my style.
• She says: I like these, but I they cost too much. He says: I’d rather not spend my money on her.
  
• She says: I’d buy these, but I don’t want shoes I’d have to polish. He says: Too high maintenance!
• She says: I want to try on a few more. He says: So many women, why settle on one.
• She says: This one is comfortable, but it isn’t attractive enough. He says: I like hanging with her, but I was sorta hoping for a super-model.
• She says: Maybe I could do better. He says: Maybe I could do better.

Like cute shoes in the window beckoning and hoping you’ll pick them, or nice dresses left on the rack at the end of the season, we are left to shake our heads and wonder what it is he’s hoping to find.

One of the significant differences between the sexes, is the tendency of women to focus on smaller things men don’t see.   While men are making sense of the  big picture,  women are taking in the details.

For this reason, women often understand economics, better than men think we do. In fact, women are especially savvy in the realm of microeconomics.  If you have any knowledge of economics, you probably know the difference between micro- and macroeconomics. Macro includes big things like the GNP, unemployment, and trade, while microeconomics deals with the factors which affect the individual consumer.

Even if we don’t know what to call it, our highly developed shopping prowess, allows us to sense  economic trends.  Men may need to read the financial section of the daily news to learn how The Dow is trending, but women need only go to the stores to get a read on the economy.

Because women are often in charge of provisioning a household with things like Oreos and stylish clothing, we are quick to detect economic trends. The first indicators are usually commodities–things like coffee, sugar, breakfast cereal [aka grain], and gasoline. When the paycheck isn’t going as far, women don’t need the Wall Street Journal to tell them the economy is hinky.

It is easy to tell at the beginning of a retail season, what retailers are feeling.  When the economy is humming, retailers stock their shelves with eye-dazzling excess.  During downtrends, seasonal goods have largely run out, or are greatly marked down before the end of the season, resulting in spectacular mid-season bargains.

As inflation deflates our buying-power, it is clear our economy isn’t at it’s best.  Which means that once again the women’s magazines will be telling us how to stretch our grocery dollars, but there’s more to life than just food, and Nordstrom’s doesn’t have a double-coupon day.  So, as we tighten our very fashionable belts and cross manicured fingers waiting for an upturn, I’ve come up with new ways to save.

We could all save more if we’d just stop spending on unnecessary things–like those which are wasted on men.  For instance, think of what you could save on haircare costs, like color, cuts or styles.  Whether you get your hair cut for $120. at a posh salon, or for $12. at Supercuts, it is probable the man in your life won’t notice it’s different.

Think of how much money we’d have, if we stopped buying expensive, but-oh-so-worth-it shoes, in favor of lesser-priced shoes from PayLess or WalMart. After all, when was the last time a heterosexual male, who didn’t have a foot-fetish, went ga-ga or even noticed the pair that cost you a significant pay-chunk?

Cosmetics and perfumes cost a fortune.  Women would do well by foregoing the price of designer fragrances.  You will never miss them, once you realize the smells of pizza and beer are just effective, for attracting men.

There is also the matter of underwear & lingerie.  I’m not advocating for going without feel good/look good bras or  panties,  but the rest of the money spent on skimpy things is largely wasted.  When it comes to lingerie, men are like dogs–mostly colorblind.  They primarily see only red and black, though some may also respond to white.  Any color they can’t readily name, is apt to confuse them.  Details like real silk or French lace are also superfluous, as the only detail men appreciate in lingerie, is skin.  Everything else is superfluous.   The primary purpose of lingerie is to let him know we aren’t going to make him beg–unless, of course, he’s into that kind of thing.

Clearly we’d have more money in our designer handbags, if we’d stop spending money to make ourselves, yet more irresistible, but there’s a hitch.  While we may groom & dress with our man in mind, the truth is we dress for ourselves.  We spend money on all kinds of beautiful & spendy things, because they make us feel more desirable.  It isn’t money wasted.  When are more attractive, when we feel beautiful.

Q.  What’s a woman’s favorite position?
A.  C.E.O.

A woman’s place is in the kitchen, unless we don’t want it to be. Fortunately, women are no longer confined to the home, we have many choices.  It is no small thing that each day women leave their homes, proving  they are every bit as qualified as men to run companies, research and develop things, build things, grow things or make their mark on the world in whatever way they wish.  Women have broken barriers to become leaders in fields once exclusive to men. There has never been a better time or place to be a woman.  Today women have countless venues in which to demonstrate their capabilities and competence.

Though many women still choose home over career, there is no place a woman cannot succeed, whether it be managing millions for a corporation, training men to do their jobs, or making a roomful of rambunctious children as quiet as a library.  We may have different strengths than our male counterparts, but we are every bit as capable.  This is why, it still amazes me to see women of extraordinary competency being rendered powerless by men.

They are such simple creatures.  Compared to single-cell organisms, like say a paramecium, they are complex, but compared to females, they are simple.  Simple creatures with the ability to confuse us, infuriate us and neutralize us.

Once upon a time, women got married.  The end.

That was then.  Times have changed and many women begin “Dating: The Sequel” a few decades past Sweet Sixteen.  With 20 or so years of  things learned, life experienced and all the wisdom that provides, one would think females should be better equipped than ever to succeed in their relationships.  Ironically, men are still able to make even the  most competent and powerful women weak.

A women may be able to go head-to-head with any man professionally, yet a man she desires can quickly turn her into jelly on legs.   I remember an a female friend who was a published author, scholar and professor at a good university.  Lamenting her romantic foibles, she said, “As a professional, I’m holding a royal flush, but my personal life is still a crap-shoot.”  Even she realized the dichotomy of being able to take charge in everything but her love life.

Why is it that the woman who can convince venture capitalists to give millions, has trouble convincing a single individual to give his heart?  Why does a woman attorney too powerful to wait on anyone, agonize as she waits for “him” to call, or a woman exec, making enough $ to afford her own driver, can’t keep a man from driving her crazy?

On the one hand, we owe everything to “feminism” for changing the rules that once held us back, on the other hand, feminism hasn’t changed our gender.  We are still women–the same as always, with tender and vulnerable hearts.   They are still men.  They still make us crazy.  We still need them.

They hold power over us, because deep inside of each of us is the need to connect.  We crave the intimacy of a loving relationship with another human being.  We still need them, we still want them.  Next time, I will address one reason men can make a woman cry herself to sleep, and not even have a clue why.

Men only want one thing–that‘s the generalization spread by those who would protect all of us guileless females from males of a certain age, the age which begins at puberty and ends sometime after erectile dysfunction.  If only it were that simple…. Eventually, men develop complex thought patterns that allow them to begin thinking of and desiring more than one thing–including a disproportionately large number of inanimate things.  (Apparently men like things that don’t talk to them, though they will indulge women, children and certain talking electronics devices.)

Men complain of how hard it is to buy gifts for women, but men can be equally difficult to buy for.  They generally don’t want the stuff we’d buy them, anymore than we want some of the stuff they bring us.  I have long ago stopped buying Beloved Soul Mate clothing, because all those handsome garments in the back of his closet seemed so forlorn.

Men may accuse women of expensive tastes, but most of the things they want are big ticket items like cars, boats, sporting equipment, event tickets or electronics.  Fortunately, they also like quite a few things which are within anyone’s price range–such as validation, food and intimacy.  If you want to make his Valentine’s Day special for him, go cheap and give him the things he can’t buy.

Unless you are with the wrong man, more than anything else, HE wants to be the man you dream about.  He wants to be respected and admired for who he is.  It’s so simple, yet, the longer we are in relationship, the  more apt we are to neglect communicating our admiration.  While you’re reminding him what it is about him you love, remind him why he fell in love with you, by doing your best to be as attractive and charming as you were when he fell for you.

That should be enough to make him putty, but why stop there when  you could go for a hat trick.  After admiration, there are two other things of which men rarely get enough–food & sex.  Since Valentine’s Day is usually a day on which they wine & dine us, why not surprise him by canceling the reservations and letting dinner be on you this year?  You can give him a perfectly wonderful hassle-free evening and with the money saved he can buy himself or you something special!

You’re probably thinking it’s too late to throw together a perfect evening, but never was there a more appropriate time to recall that old K.I.S.S. acronym.    Remember “Keep it simple sweetheart”?

For our first course, I suggest something green.  I like cold steamed asparagus, but broccoli or a even salad out of a bag would be equally nice.  Garnish it with bell pepper heart and you’ll look like one of those hotties from The Food Network.

Next, shrimp cocktail–as simple or as complicated as you like.  You can buy shrimp, cooked and peeled, so that all you have to do is combine it with your favorite cocktail sauce.  Here, I’ve arranged the shrimp in a heart shaped dish then inverted it onto a nice plate.  If that’s too much work, arrange shrimp around the rim of an attractive dish or goblet as I’ve done here with this pretty margarita glass.

For the entrée, I suggest a nice juicy steak.  The one pictured above n above is a butterflied rib-eye, AKA a Sweetheart Cut Rib Eye steak.  Butterfly your own, or ask your butcher to do it for you.  Not only is it charming, but it’s meant to be shared, meaning that the meal is already going to be more intimate than what you’d have in a restaurant.

The meal is simple and simply romantic, because it begs for intimate interaction.  Pour something nice to drink.  Relax and enjoy spending time with your special someone.  Another thing men never tire of is the good company and conversation of a woman they love, and what could be more seductive than feeding your love a bit of this or that with your fingers?   (Yet another reason to love asparagus.)

Follow this up with something simple like fresh fruit or chocolates arranged on a plate.  Afterward you can decide for yourselves what to have for dessert.

According to the Marilyn Monroe song, diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

Perhaps it’s true for girls like Marilyn–beautiful, sad, lonely girls, but many girls find that dogs make better best friends–calling into question the loyalty of “man‘s best friend“.  Clever song, but Marilyn was an icon, not a role model.  If she hadn’t been so tortured, perhaps she’d be a an aged congress woman now or the head of a benevolent foundation–afterall, she had some political “ins”.  If you know what I mean.

That aside, the subject here is diamonds, not those who wear them.

When it comes to jewelry, I’m a parrot–shiny things distract me–sometimes that’s a good thing, but not always.  Beloved Soul Mate has recognized my weakness for sparkly things.  When it’s time for gift-giving he becomes the very best kind of generous–jewelry store-generous–much to the dismay of West Marine or the Harley Davidson store.  They would love to convince him that a new outboard motor or a cozy buddy seat would be something we‘d both enjoy.
So, let it be established this story is so not about Beloved Soul Mate.

I like those carbon crystals and I have a few.
I’ve always had a few, even when I was a single girl.

In fact, over the years, I’ve been given some spectacular rocks.  The diamonds are nothing without the right setting–plain gold is good, but strings attached can spoil a nice setting–like they did on the ring I’m wearing.

The ring is beautiful.
Nine beautiful diamonds set uniquely.  Not girly, not fru-fru, not showy–just tasteful.
I love it today as much as I did the first time I saw.

Correction:  I love it more today than I did the first time I saw it.  I’ve worn this ring every day since it was given to me.  It was purchased for me by a man I truly loved–a man I once thought I’d marry.  It was an engagement ring of sorts.  It isn’t any exaggeration to say it cost more than the rings I wore the day I wed.  Yes, I’m wearing the ring of a man I once loved and therein lies the story.

It started one after college, when I’d locked myself out of my house.  I walked down the street, hoping to use a neighbor’s phone.  A couple of single guys lived a few houses down, cars in the driveway told me they were home.  So, I met him by accident.  I used  the phone, we introduced ourselves.  He was friendly and we ended up getting to know each other a little more over time.  Eventually, he asked me out.  He was fun.  More dates followed.
I never saw it at the time, but he was homely–not handsome at all, but smooooooth.  Not traditionally smooth, but more the smooth-if-you-can-get-past-the-rough-edges kind of smooth.

On first meeting, almost everybody loved him.  I suppose it took  two or three meetings to realize he wasn’t what he seemed.  Other people caught on before I did.  He was good to me, which caused me to forget to pay attention.  I guess, that’s why it took me more than a year to realize that he was ALL wrong for me.  Unfortunately, that didn’t happen before he’d asked me to marry him and given me the ring.  One day I woke up and realized he & I weren’t the same kind of people.  The day I broke up with him, I cried–many sad conflicted tears.  It‘s hard to break-up with someone you‘ve fallen in love with–even if he‘s a loser.  The breakup was bittersweet.

If he had been an Adonis, I might have excused myself for being taken in–but for all he lacked in external attractiveness, what was inside was even less attractive.  By the end, I realized I had been too naïve to see what should have been obvious.  He had been good enough to me, I hardly noticed he was a horrible person.

I kept the ring.  It wasn’t even paid for yet, but I kept it.  Had to make the remaining payments, but at the end of the relationship, the ring was the only thing worth keeping.  I had some good memories, some memories I’d rather forget, and one heck of a nice ring; but I was smarter.

When he bought me that ring, I thought I was a princess with the whole kingdom on my finger.  It’s funny to  think an awful little troll could have made me feel like a princess, but he did.  That’s why I stayed too long.   That’s why I kept the ring.  I knew the price of the ring was high, but I hadn’t figured in the other costs.

Each one of those diamonds represents lessons I learned.
I always wear the ring, because I don’t want to forget any of them.

Those lessons caused me to decide that if necessary, I would buy my own diamonds.  Sometimes, it’s cheaper that way.

A favorite quote:
By the time a woman is wise enough to find a good husband, she has been married 10 or 15 years.

Nothing like being married, to teach one what constitutes a good one.

I selected my husband the same way I select most things.  Shopped around, looked for the kind of quality that would last.  I looked at quite a few, before I chose the one I liked best.

I know more now, than I did then, but I did okay for myself.

If I were to be shopping for a husband today, I’d never marry a man who didn’t dance.

Never thought about it when I was single, but I’ve thought about it a lot in the time since.

Some people enjoy dancing more than others.  I have often wondered, if men enjoy dancing as much as women seem to.

I don’t know the answer to that one, but I know that unless I was in love with a man who didn’t have use of his legs, I could never be with a man who didn’t dance.

I love dancing.  It’s an essential expression of the best parts of being alive.  It’s uninhibited, it’s active and it’s sensual.

For people with energy, the need to move is rudimentary.  For people who enjoy music, the desire to move to it is instinctual.  For people in love, the desire to have bodies in concert is unmitigated.

Dancing is all of that for me.

Dancing is nothing more than moving.  Moving that feels good.  Moving that has the power to move us.

What I like best about dancing, is that it is a publicly-sanctioned display of sexuality.  It is a time when we can go head-to-head or cheek-to-cheek with the object of our desire, without fearing raised eyebrows.   We are given permission to admire the motion of their body.  We are allowed to move in synchronicity with them.

In those moments, we can imagine we are Fred & Ginger, or anyone else our minds can conjure.   Time is suspended, allowing us to enjoy inhibition and intimate closeness.  We are able to forget what we look like, and become what we imagine.  We can revel in the simple placement of a head on a shoulder.  We can listen to the heartbeat or breathing of our partner, and allow it to affect our own.

This is why I am baffled at how men would choose to stand around with their warm hands wrapped around a cold beer, when there are women who want to dance.

The same guys who may fantasize about the flexibility of gymnasts, seem not to see the sensuality of women dancing.

It’s rather like having one’s house painted and failing to notice.  It’s out there and obvious, but only the blind don’t see it.    Choosing the comforting feel of ice cold aluminum in his hands, a man can miss the smell of a woman’s hair, the feel of her face, or an opportunity.

A silly old line calls dancing the vertical expression of a horizontal intention.

That’s not that silly.

I want to dance.
Everyday of my life, I want to dance.

Some days I want to dance crazy.  Some days I want to dance refined.  Sometimes I want to dance in the way that makes my partner know that old line isn’t silly.

I don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t get that, because I don’t want to dance alone.