Archive for February, 2012

My last post was about fear.  Many in this country are afraid for the future.  I admit, I too fear what I see happening–especially the loss of objectivity that has resulted from relying on and trusting the media.      It seems we are being discouraged from the practice of critical thinking–especially in regards to social issues and public policy.  In an age when some opinions are deemed more correct than others, our individual views are no longer respected.  Whereas once, discussion and debate were the sport of the thinking person, from grade school to university, dissent has fallen out of favor. Testing one’s ideas, against those of others, is no longer encouraged, and those who argue, are disregarded as disagreeable people with distasteful views.

I was frothing with frustration over the recent flap about The Susan G. Komen Foundation’s decision to cut funding to Planned Parenthood. Many women have strong emotional allegiance to one or both organizations.  I have views on both organizations, but allegiance to neither.

On the one side is Planned Parenthood, defending a woman’s right to control her body.  Planned Parenthood’s services cover a broad spectrum related to reproductive health and sexual freedom.  Over the last 100 years, Planned Parenthood has been to many the patron saint of the sexually active, rescuing many from the consequences of their own sexuality.

On the other side, is best known entity to any and all who have been affected by breast cancer.  Giving hope to all  who have felt the helplessness of a diagnosis of breast cancer, and comfort to those who have lost loved ones to the disease, the Komen Foundation exists for the sole purpose of raising money to fund things related to stopping breast cancer.  With their iconic pink ribbons everywhere, this organization is favored by all who have who have walked for The Cure , or counted their years cancer-free.

Though what these organizations do, can be quantified by their annual reports, it is the intangible things they provide which wins over supporters.  Both organizations have their own mission(s).  Certainly, Planned Parenthood’s status as the nation’s largest abortion provider makes them the more controversial organization, yet they succeeded in making the public angry at a benign organization devoted to saving women’s lives.

I was seething at the media coverage and social reactions to the conflict.  A controversy over money, was depicted as a clash between Pro-Life and Pro-Choice factions.  The battle line was drawn, somewhere between The T & A.  Most of us value the stuff above our waists as much as we value the stuff below, nevertheless, the media and social networks were buzzing with allegations that that The Susan G. Komen Foundation hates women.  There were accusations that Planned Parenthood was being unfairly targeted because of the political agenda of SGK.  It was reported that the funding cuts would endanger low-income and minority women.

Nobody in the media was presenting the facts.  The issue was covered emotionally, not objectively.  Illustrating the kind of angry remarks which flooded social media and the blogosphere were comments showing the gun* pictured here, as evidence Susan G. Komen is pro-death.  This seemed especially ironic to me considering one of the reasons Planned Parenthood is so revered, it that it is emblematic of women being empowered to take control of their own lives.  Isn’t Planned Parenthood the feminist solution to freeing women from men’s attempts to subjugate them?

*The Komen foundation was not affiliated or partnering with the handgun manufacturer or this gun.

Lost in the emotion and hype were the facts.

There were reasons that SGK decided to pull the grants.  Not only that, but SGK wasn’t pulling all the grants to all of Planned Parenthood, just to clinics who were under investigation for possible misuse of federal funds.  The media focused on how women would suffer because they wouldn’t have access to cancer screenings, but they failed to mention Planned Parenthood does not provide mammography.  In fact, the kind of screening they do, isn’t that different from the kind 16-year old boys dream of performing.  They do manual exams, and provide referrals to other agencies equipped to do mammography or ultrasound.  It doesn’t seem those services would be very expensive to provide, yet the SGK grants amounted to about $700,000.  That seems like a large amount, but it’s small change  compared to the approximately $300 million that Planned Parenthood receives from taxpayers via Medicaid, or the $70 million in Title X funding.  Nevertheless, some vowed to never again support Susan G. Komen’s organization.  Others rallied to raise money to shore-up Planned Parenthood.  Listening to the outrage, one could easily be lead to believe  Planned Parenthood would be significantly impacted by this loss of funding.

The politics of women’s health are filled of controversy, but the commitment to women’s health shouldn’t be. These organizations have different agendas, and represent different things to different women.  The media wanted us to believe that if Planned Parenthood lost, women would suffer, but it’s not a zero sum game.  The big losers in this round were neither the clinics, nor clients of Planned Parenthood.  The real losers were women–as an organization funding breast cancer research became the enemy, while the organization representing a woman’s right to choose, made it clear they believe they are THE only choice.

Deb’s Note: This controversy will have a lasting impact on The Susan G. Komen Foundation for The Cure, as those who Pro-Choice supporters express disdain and Pro-Life supporters distance themselves from SGK for their affiliation with Planned Parenthood.

I wish I’d had a notebook (or a better memory) the day I heard a news story on women and fear.  Googling failed to provide me the source or the statistics cited, but the article reported that the majority of women surveyed reported they felt fear daily–compared with a much lower percentage of men who regularly experienced fear.

I wondered what women were so afraid of.  Are we talking fear of having lipstick on our teeth, or fear of being found in a dumpster?  Was this specific fear of things like identity theft or generalized fear of economic uncertainty.   Was it the fear that something bad would happen or fear that we were unprepared to deal with bad things?

Women generally feel more vulnerable in men, in part because we are usually not as big or strong as them, but also because we have been inculcated to believe we are defenseless against men and vulnerable without them. We expect men to protect us from the dark, being alone, strangers and things like bugs or spiders.  Ironically, men are statistically more likely to be the victims of violent crime, yet women’s fear of violent crime is disproportionately greater than men’s.

The information age has had the effect of magnifying risks, making them seem larger than they are. The publicity given to breast cancer has caused women to be more afraid of dying of breast cancer, than heart disease, which poses a greater risk. With each week bringing news of more food safety risks, like recalls, toxins, pesticides, carcinogenic compounds, or the unknown effects of genetically modified foods, it’s a wonder women still struggle with weight–which incidentally is one of the things women fear.

Sensationalist journalism, media hype, internet urban legends and legitimate news provide us a steady source of new worries.  But even without the modern-day horror stories, many struggle with irrational fears.  Some fears may have a  reasonable foundation, like the kind of post-traumatic fear that can haunt a women who has suffered an assault or rape, many of our fears are not as reasonable.

We tend to fear the unfamiliar.  Car travel is more dangerous than air travel, but the mysterious physics of air travel cause more people fear to flying.  From unfamiliar bathrooms, to ethnic foods, what we imagine is is scarier than what we see. What we imagine causes us to fear familiar things like spiders, dogs, or mice–even those which are harmless.  Avoiding risks because of fear can be harmful, as it is when those who fear of dentists, doctors or needles, forego getting needed care.

Everyone experiences fear. Being afraid, doesn’t mean we are weak or gutless, it is a natural part of our survival instinct.  However, our response to fear determines how much power it has over us.  The well-known quote, “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself ” was followed by a lesser known line, “nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.”  The feelings of anxiety, uncertainty often cause more discomfort than the things we fear.

Fear can be tremendously helpful, if we use it to prepare ourselves for legitimate threats.  Most of us don’t think our house will burn down, but  having smoke detectors, a fire extinguisher and insurance provides a sense of being prepared for such an occurrence.  However, for some fear becomes a comfortable way to buffer themselves from risks or facing the reality of life.

According to one source, top women’s fears include:

Unplanned pregnancy
Illness
Fear of losing a man
Fear of losing beauty and/or gaining weight
Fear of losing a child

We can do our best to prevent these things, but there are some things in life we are powerless to change.  If we allow fears like those listed above keep us from loving, being loved, getting married, having children, or if we allow worst-case scenarios to limit us, we are doomed to live small lives with limited satisfaction.

Some time ago, I had to do something I didn’t want to do.  The fear set my heart racing.  My throat was tight, my stomach nervous, but I knew it was something I had to do.  It would have been easier to back down, but I didn’t.  That single experience uncorked more strength than I though I possessed.  Like the Cowardly Lion after receiving his medal, I wasn’t more courageous, just more confident.  I think of that day as the day fear got small, because afterward it was easier to face  my other fears.

A sweet girlfriend had a similar experience after finding the courage to leave an unhappy marriage.   As she ended her marriage, she wanted to begin a better, bolder life.  She had always been afraid of the Ferris Wheel, but was tired of allowing small fears to affect her life. Riding a Ferris Wheel may not seem brave, but taking back control of life is. I was with her, when she finally had the courage to do it.  Afterward, she was exhilarated and empowered by having taken the first step to seeing the world from a new perspective, and ready for bigger challenges.

She knew it was silly to be afraid of a kiddie ride, and she knew that to have the life she desired would require her to be brave enough to confront the changes and challenges of living a new way.  She was tired of living timidly, as you may be if you know you are being held back by small things.  There are some fears we may not be able to eliminate without professional help, but if there are fears you think you are ready to conquer, here are some tips.

• Assess the real risk of what you fear.  Be realistic in asking if what you fear is likely or unlikely.  Ask yourself if the risk is greater than the cost of being held hostage by fear.
• Though you may not feel strong enough to face fears alone, trusted friends or family can serve as cheerleaders to encourage us or guide us through the baby steps needed to face our fears.
• Be prepared to experience discomfort. Discomfort is a natural & helpful response.  Remember the fight or flight response is our body’s way of preparing us to face threats.
• Don’t feel like you have conquer everything at once.  Take small steps before giant steps.  A fear of dogs is more likely to be conquered by getting exposure to poodles than pitbulls.
• Finally, remember that heroes and cowards both experience fear, but it is how we handle what we fear that determines whether we will be victorious over our fears, or victims of them.