Archive for April, 2011

An e-mail from a close girlfriend asks if I’ve thought about writing on the subject of friendship.   The answer is on my hard drive, where there are several starts to blog posts on friendship.   The problem is every time I start writing about friendships, there is simply too much to write.  In other words, this is  probably the first of more to come on friendship.

To have close friends, we have to be willing to spend time getting to know each other.  The longer we know someone, the more we learn about them.  We are naturally attracted to people who are like us, because they are easier for us to understand.  Likewise, want to be around people who “get us”.  But to have close friendships, we have to share a certain amount of information about ourselves.  The more we share, the more we risk rejection. Curiously, when we hide our true selves, it is difficult for others to get to know us.  In this way, our efforts to be liked, can defeat our efforts to make friends.

It takes only a few minutes to make a friend, but it takes hours to form a friendship. When we first make friends,our interactions are superficial.  When we find a something likable, or a measure of something on which we connect, we have an embryonic friendship.  Early on, the friendship is based on a very limited knowledge of the other person.  We may even classify our friends by what we associate with them–another soccer mom, one of the PTA gals, my church sister, my exercise buddy, or my shopping pal.

No matter where or how a friendship is born, its longevity is determined by several things.  Relationships are not self-sustaining.  They require a certain level of continued interaction, through which we get to know the other person and they get to know us–providing understanding, trust and comaraderie. A friendship based only on a shared interest, relies on our commitment to the activity to feed the friendship.  For instance, if you have a friend with whom you always workout, if you stop working out regularly, you probably won’t continue to spend time with that friend.  On the other hand, when we take our friends out of the context by which we’ve known them we are developing a friendship that is no longer activity-based and one which is more likely to last.

The girlfriend who wrote the note to me was first a casual friend because we are neighbors. When we started power-walking together, we had hours to talk and get to know each other.   The friendship is now broad enough to leave the cul-de-sac for all kinds of adventures, because it is now based on more than the proximity of our houses.   We got along well-enough when we first met, but it took many hours to get to know each other enough to want to spend regular time together.

Investing time is essential to forging lasting friendships.  We make friends of various kinds, including (hopefully) the one we ultimately share with our life partner.  Even with a spouse, there is still a required investment of time, needed to feed the relationship.  It is not familiarity that breeds contempt, but our failure to continue to know and understand another person.  When we expect our relationships to be sustained by shared history or old memories, they grow stale, because there is nothing to keep them fresh.  It is for this reason that friends (or couples) need to continue to spend good times together, if they want to preserve their friendship.

When we have fun with a friend, we are seeing their best side.  When we relax with a friend, we are more open to an honest exchange of feelings.  The more time we spend, the better we know each other.  If you have ever had the experience of having to spend time with someone you didn’t like, only to find out later that they weren’t as bad as you’d initially thought, you can understand how spending time with someone can change one’s impression or appreciation of another.  A person who seemed aloof, is discovered to be shy.  The person who seemed to be gruff, turns out to be a big softy.  Just as you are more than your best first impression, there is always more to a person than our initial impression.

It is no different in ongoing relationships.  While we may forge notions about who the other is based on past history or day-to-day interactions, we fail to allow for changes that occur in people over time.  Sometimes, even with people we’ve know a long time, we don’t know them nearly as well as we think we do.  Our assumptions about the other person are bound to cause misunderstandings.  In this way, the lack of familiarity gives way to contempt.  If one or the other feels they have been misunderstood or wronged in some way, it can be difficult to restore the friendship.

Our shallowest relationships are the easiest, because it is easy to be good company for short periods of time.  The things that challenge us in our day-to-day lives, also challenge our relationships.  When problems arise, or when we feel friction, we are apt to avoid contact with the other, but this is a relationship-killer.  If we want long-lasting and worthwhile friendships we have to invest the time to continually refresh them.

My dog likes company.  I don’t know if he actually likes me, but he is happier when he’s near me. It can be a bother to have him constantly underfoot or wanting to ride shotgun on every errand, but I indulge him.  I could be flattered by his attachment, but I don’t trust the  judgment of a creature who is into butt-sniffing and pig ears. His affection isn’t personal, he’s a dog.  It is his nature to be a social animal, by default I am puppy posse.

Humans are social creatures too. It is our nature to crave contact with others or at least assurance we are not alone. How much contact we need or want, varies greatly from  person-to-person, but we are happier and healthier when we have people in our lives. Within each of us is the desire to be known and accepted.

The huge growth in popularity of Facebook is evidence of peoples’ desire to reach out to others.  The social media networks, provide a convenient and accessible way for us to stay in contact with people we may not regularly see.  Facebook is trending now, but people have always tried to stay connected.  Long before e-mail and txt messaging, people kept contact with the less efficient modes of letters, telegraph and the wired telephone.

Online interactions offer a relatively low-risk social outlet.  This is certainly one of the reasons many have greater ease with on-line dating or romance. Because cyber-communities, like MySpace and Facebook, make it easy to handcraft an image, children are warned about how people can misrepresent themselves as someone other than who they are. While this may be true of those who have ill motives, it doesn’t seem to be true of the rest of us.  Though most people go to some trouble to protect their online privacy, we are surprisingly overt in disclosing the details of our private lives.

How we feel about our self, determines how much, and what we want others to know of us.  Our degree of social comfort depends on our level of self-esteem, whether we are introvert or extrovert, and the degree of safety or anonymity. In online forums where we are not personally known, we may be less guarded and/or less honest, but on forums like Facebook, friends & family should serve to keep us more accountable. But the risk of raised eyebrows from those who know us best, is not enough to deter individuals from declaring their thoughts, feelings or likes and dislikes.

Social scientist, Sam Gosling has made a study of the ways in which people inadvertently show  their personalities.  His book “Snoop” is an examination of how people unintentionally show their traits.  Whether or not it is orchestrated, it seems people are prone to advertising who they are.  From the rooms we live in, to the music we listen to, we are constantly leaving clues to our personality.  One of the surprising things he discovered, was the accuracy of online profiles as a representation of the personality of that created them–suggesting again our desire to be known.

The personality we present to the world is a composite pulled from the mix of what we want the world to see and what we’d prefer to hide.  It is a tricky act to balance our desire to be known as we are, with our desire to be liked and accepted.  Though we may try to hide things we believe will bring about rejection, our efforts aren’t always successful.  Perhaps you have known someone who revealed a secret such as sexual orientation, an addiction, or some skeleton from the past, only to learn people weren’t very surprised by the revelation.

No matter what our social station or our esteem level, everyone of us is vulnerable to loneliness and rejection, yet it is impossible for people to get to know us if we keep our personalities hidden.  If we truly want others to get to know us, we have to face the vulnerability of showing ourselves.  It is a big risk, but necessary, if like my dog you’d prefer not to be alone.

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Within each of us is the desire for autonomy, aka freedom.  There is no freedom apart from the acknowledgment of an individual’s worth.  When leaders decide who has value or who is worthy of respect, the end of freedom is near.

Yesterday I was looking at a copy of The Constitution of the United States.  It reads somewhat like a school handbook, but The Declaration of Independence is a piece of literature worthy of study and praise. I am always moved by how it recognizes the sovereignty and worth of the individual.

The unalienable rights, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, could easily be the basis of a religion, but instead they are the foundation of a country, which by not promoting religion, grants religious freedom.  There are many who would prefer to see references to a creator or a god expunged from The Declaration of Independence, in order to make it more egalitarian, but there is not a  more egalitarian credo in the secular world.  The recognition of an unnamed god, does not establish the nation as Judeo/Christian.  Instead, it establishes the right for individuals to name their own god.  You may call your god Gaia, Vishnu, Muhammad, Buddha, Krishna, Jesus, Jehovah, Darwin,Karl Marx, Karl Rove, Karl Malone or even declare God nonexistent.

It is a document which allows the right to commit mass suicide in order to meet the Mother Ship or pay thousands of dollars to an institution which promises to electronically help clarify thoughts.  It is  a document that establishes our right to marry in a synagogue, LDS Temple, or on a beach.  It is a document that allows us to eat animals or embrace veganism.  It is a document that respects the rights of the individual, the worth of the human spirit, and a document that affords us the right to be wrong.

It is often said that religion is the opiate of the masses.  The quote is attributed to Karl Marx, but credit for calling religion an opiate, goes to The Marquis de Sade.  The most oppressive regimes prescribe their own  religions, as the Taliban did; or erect their governing heads as the supreme authority, as  Kim Jong Il has in North Korea.  If religion is indeed the opiate of the masses, why do the worst regimes in the world go to such great lengths to eliminate religious freedom?  It is because religions allow people to consider their own value and purpose.

As I child, I was plagued with religious questions.  For as long as I can remember I’ve had questions, the answers to which have lead to a distillation of my own beliefs.  Like every other person of faith, I am convinced my beliefs are true.  Believing is an act of faith, sometimes based on evidence, sometimes not.  Just as I did as a child, I still have questions.  Some people think having questions represents spiritual weakness. I believe questions are necessary to determine what is true.

Over the years, I’ve sat through many kinds of religious services, in each followers were convinced they had found truth.  When we subscribe to a spiritual practice, whether it is meditation, doing good works, fasting, performing sacraments or murdering innocents, it requires faith.  Followers do what they do, because they believe, and while most religions require faith, they should never require the suspension of reason.  Even those whose religion is Evolution, will affirm the brain is not a vestigial organ.

Religion is not an opiate, it is an exercise of intellect, by which we try to find freedom from our fears, our nature, and our failings.  Our beliefs give purpose to our existence.  Whether you believe the origin of humanity to be an act of nature or the artistry of a creator, whether or not your beliefs include a deity, it requires no faith to know you are a unique individual with a life which yearns for purpose.

In a perfect world, men & women would always be in sync.  There are disparities of emotion, outlook and of course libido.  While the difference in sex drive may be the punch line of many a joke, it is not a laughing matter when couples cannot connect physically. Anyone who has been a long relationship, will tell you wet seasons are often followed by drought.  It is always assumed that men think of sex more frequently than women, the truth is we just think different thoughts.  I suggested in an earlier post that women’s desire is influenced by her feelings toward her partner.  Women have little trouble mustering desire under the right circumstances.

A fundamental problem is the sexicon–that’s my term for the lexicon we each use to communicate our sexual desire.  Some keep their sexual communication as prim & proper as Victorian maidens, others prefer to be bolder.  How we communicate is not nearly as important as whether or not we are clearly understood.  When we don’t know how to interpret the sexual messages of our partner, problems are inevitable.  For this reason everyone needs an effective way to decipher messages received.

Women include more details in their definitions and descriptions of everything.  Whereas a man’s definition of sex is relatively simple, a woman’s includes details–many, many details.  The man thinks about sex and his desire is fueled.  A women thinks about sex, and she’s hoping that someone will fuel her desire.  She wants to experience that which will leave her blissfully lost in the arms of her lover.

So a guy says something pathetic like, “Hey baby, come here.”
He hopes that’s irresistible, but without a sexicon translator, she hears,  “Come girl.  Stay.”

Most women are not desperate enough for a treat, for such an unimaginative approach to cause them to rollover. Therefore, the seduction fails and the man is rebuffed.  In his sexicon it’s rejection–a  reason to sulk, slink away, or retreat; reluctant to try again.

For men, there are only two answers to the question, which translates as “Do ya wanna do it?” To women there are many possible answers–each with nuances that are likely to be misinterpreted by men.

A partial list or female responses might include:

Mmmmmm.
Now?
I’ve been thinking of you all day, let’s skip dinner.
I can’t get naked, I feel fat.
Sex is the furthest thing from my mind.
The drool on my pillow means I need sleep.
Is that motor oil I smell?
Did you have salami for lunch?
Those jeans make you look amazing.
Those jeans make you look like your AARP card has expired.
It’s too cold.
It’s too hot.
Did you lose your razor?
Has your gym membership lapsed?
Your ex- called again.  Please don’t touch me.
Your dog chewed my Pradas.  Please don’t touch me.
I don’t have a headache, but I will if you don’t shower.
I wanted you yesterday.
You are amazing.
YOU ARE HOT.
YOU ARE A JERK.

All reasonable responses, but all subject to misinterpretation.  Remember when Nancy Reagan just said no?  There was no room for misinterpretation, but Ronnie still heard, “She wants me!”

Enter the lotus lamp–an exotic little something I picked up.  It’s not magic, but it’s mechanical. Since men don’t find gadgets nearly as vexing or confusing as they find women, it’s the perfect sexicon decoder.  The simple mechanism allows it to be adjusted from closed blossom to fully open flower–perfect for communicating one’s openness for sex.

Opened just a little suggests possibilities exist.
Opened wider conveys greater enthusiasm.
Wide open with a candle, suggests hot desire.
Need your space, close it snug.
He’s a jerk?  Secure it with duct tape.
He slept with you sister?  Weld the thing shut.

It  may appear to be nothing more than just an attractive tchotchke on the nightstand, but I see it as the perfect translator for the sexicon–like a thesaurus, only simpler.

Earthquakes, nuclear disasters, wars, rising inflation, economic uncertainty AND just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse–they’re baa-a-a-a-ck.

Last weekend, as I was out & about, I was surprised to see them everywhere.  Dropping out of nowhere, they were in stores, at restaurants and even sporting events.  Just in time to ruin spring, comes the leg-shrouding long-dress.  In my own locale, winter has been too wet and too long to suit me.  Like most of the men I know, I have been anxiously waiting for shorts-weather.  The wonderful season of close shaves and suntan oil, but alas, it would seem legs are going back into hiding.

You may or may not be aware of  “The Skirt Length Theory”, in which there is a supposed correlation between hem lengths and economic trends. Recalling its premise, I’m trying to remember the economic conditions during the period in which I last wore a long dress to something other than a wedding. According to the theory, when times are good, women get into supply & demand economics, with an eagerness to show their goods.  Conversely, when the economy is shaky, apparently women hoard cloth by wearing skirts long enough to provide a make-shift shelter in the event of a worst-case scenario.  (A Yurt Skirt?)

Utilizing my understanding of economics and my observations of male/female relationships, I have extrapolated my own conclusion on “skirt theory”.  Keynes, Bernanke, Buffett and Friedman would certainly agree with me on this.  The more economic security a man presents, the more likely it is he will get more than a glimpse of ankle.

“The Skirt Length Theory” has mostly been debunked, probably because the affluence of the developed world has provided women more options for wearing whatever skirt length they preferred, but I suspect as the dreadful maxi-length dresses return, this theory will be given another 15 minutes of fame for re-examination.

The very bad news for those who have been watching  IRA’s & stock portfolios shrink, is the much-needed distraction of summer gam-glam will be in decline too.  As the graph lines on the Dow, The GNP and the probability of Congress solving our deficit woes go plummeting toward the earth, get your last glimpse of calf curves.

Hold on, it’s going to be a long summer.

When women begin dating, they are often more clever than the men they go out with.  Like golfers with a handicap, at least at the beginning, gals start with an advantage, because most have had practice getting what they want from “Daddy”.  For this reason, young women usually have an idea of how to get guys to do their bidding.  Alas, eventually boys become men, who aren’t as keen on being made to jump through hoops like trained ponies.  Nevertheless, many women continue to manipulate men and/or the others in their lives.  Unfortunately, this kind of emotional blackmail comes with a price for both parties.

Manipulators get results, but not always those desired.  The relationship becomes the product of a plan, instead of the heart.  Using guerilla tactics in a relationships is a sure way to sabotage them.  If we want to have sound relationships, we have to be honest not only with our partner, but also with our self.  Tactics like manipulation, insincerity or dishonesty will bring about resentments, because they cause the other partner to feel used or disrespected.   Whether we are the cause of or the keeper of resentments, they are relationship killers, because they diminish the value of the individual.

Thinking about this, reminded me of Lewis Carroll’s, Alice in Wonderland, who stumbles into an unfamiliar setting and  drinks a potion which makes her smaller.  The author  doesn’t indicate what the potion is, but my guess it was something like bitterness, because nothing will make a girl smaller.   As a smaller version of herself, Alice finds herself trying, in vain, to swim out of a pool of her own tears.  She has become too small to escape her own situation.

Bitterness & resentment can be addictive. Like psychedelic drugs, they provide a distorted perception of reality.  They provide a convenient way to check out of relationships, or situations that have caused us discomfort in the past.  They provide endless excuses to escape real life, for ongoing wound-licking appointments.  Resentments allow us to blame others for our own failings, and give us an excuse not to take responsibility for our own actions.

In the Lewis Carroll story, when Alice realizes she had become too small to do what she wants, she wishes to grow.  But not everyone is like Alice, some are content to settle into small-mindedness, holding on to the past and refusing to move forward.  It is impossible to grow if we are not honest with our self.  Letting go of bitterness is neither easy, nor comfortable. When Alice found being small didn’t suit her, she ate a cake that allowed her to grow.  As soon as she began to grow, she realized she had become too large for the small space she’d previously occupied.

Everyday we make choices that determine how small or large our lives will be.  Holding on to resentments will make you too small to live a full life.  To have honesty in our relationships, we must first be honest with ourselves, especially in regards to our own resentments or the ones we cause in others.  Letting go of the past, requires a forgiving spirit, but outgrowing resentment is a big step toward living large.

Very few enjoy getting up to go to work, but nevertheless, we do it because we like getting paid. Your paycheck is your compensation for your expenditure of time & energy. You earned it, right?

Alas, in April, we are reminded, we don’t keep all that we earn.  Though many women would prefer to let their men worry about taxes, if you aren’t yet thinking about them you should be, because as I write this, your government is debating what it will do with the federal budget.  (Federal  Budget–that’s government code for OUR money–yours & mine.)

Whether you file single, jointly, have dependents or write-offs, the decisions being made concern your money–or put another way, your future.  It isn’t exactly riveting television, but we should probably all be glued to our TV sets, waiting to see what kind of budget buffoonery we’ll be expected to pay for.

I don’t have a “real” job, so I haven’t made any “real” money this year, that’s my choice. You on the other hand, may have a real job. If so, I have some very bad news for you . . you haven’t made any money this year either.  Except you didn’t have any choice in the matter.

Sure you got a paycheck, but that money has already been taken & spent. Government excess has made it necessary for every wage earner to work the entire first quarter of the calendar year, before they can claim a single cent for working.  You are not actually earning your own income until after Tax Liberation Day, when you have satisfied your obligation to the federal government. This year that day falls just before you are required to file your tax return.

Sure, you cashed those checks & spent the money, but you were only allowed access to the part the Feds hadn’t already borrowed from you. As silly as it sounds, in a a few days, you’ll be paying them back the money they “loaned” you.  It reminds of the days when college pals & I engaged in a very mushy kind of money-management, which often required borrowing or loaning to cover financial frivolity.

So, while you’re getting ready to square up with the IRS, here’s some stuff to think about.

Filing single?
If you’re single, you probably support yourself and have a good idea how hard it is to live on one paycheck. Maybe you feel lonely, and wish you had some dependents. Don’t feel bad, you have dependents.  There are plenty of strangers depending on you to keep putting money in the government coffers. Even if you struggle to support yourself, you are expected to help support other people you don’t even know.

Filing joint?
If you’re married with the benefit of two incomes, even if your combined household income is a mere $35,000, you are expected to help pay for things that our government can’t afford. My guess is you’d be furious if you had the big list of things you help pay for, or realized how few of them benefit you.

Got Dependents?
If you are a parent, your children are already facing unprecedented tax liabilities, because of the amount our federal debt. Even before those precious babes were issued social security numbers, they were already obligated to pay more in taxes, than they may ever earn in their lifetimes.

My e-mail box is full of pleas from friends urging me to write or sign petitions to tell this government they shouldn’t cut funding for this thing or that. Even if you can’t imagine living in a country that doesn’t subsidize Planned Parenthood, Meals on Wheels or NPR, consider this. Our government is quickly becoming as insolvent, as the college roommate who continued to borrow from pals until, there was no way to repay any of the loans.  Sure he was the one who would spring for the pizza & the pitchers on Friday nights, but it was always with someone else’s money.  Eventually, even the pizza guy knew not to take his check.

If our Federal Government continues to spend money on non-essential things, because of the impractical views of voters, we will go bankrupt.  Every single citizen of this country will be forced to work to support the government.  (Some people call this socialism or communism–I call it slavery.)

We are indebted to other countries who will not be nearly as generous toward us, as our government has been. When those to whom we owe money can no longer collect the debts we’ve run up, they will no longer allow us to buy goods and services; or borrow money we need to continue living the kind of lifestyles we’ve grown accustomed to. In essence, they will own our future–YOUR future.  Our country will become like the third-world countries we once helped.

If you’re a real sport, maybe working the first quarter of the year to pay for the things the government currently funds seems worthwhile to you. I hope it does, because unless we radically change federal spending, you will likely soon be able to work the entire year to pay for things which no longer exist.  That might sound preposterous, but if we continue to support the bankrupting of our country,  there isn’t any other outcome.

Today we are worried about cutting programs,tomorrow we may be worrying about how feeding our families.

——————————————

This year (2011) “Tax Liberation Day” will fall on April 12th.  Though it doesn’t feel very liberating, you can rejoice in the fact that on April 13th, you finally start making money you can keep.

I never wanted a dog.   Still  don’t.  Keeping animals strikes me as an incredible nuisance and expense, both things I try to keep to a minimum in my life.  Nevertheless, I have a dog.  The details of dog ownership, do not thrill me, but the d-o-g is working into the household with relative ease.

Beloved Soul Mate has wanted the boys to have a dog since they were born, as he is convinced that dogs are a necessary part of a childhood.   (I am proof, this is not true, having successfully reached adulthood without the aid of a dog.)  He also believes dogs teach responsibility.   (This is one of many things dog-owners would have us believe, despite the fact that it is usually “Mom” who keeps the house-pets from dying of starvation or dehydration.)  The dog knows nothing that isn’t retated to food, and he’s in charge of teaching the kids what many parents fail to teach????

So how does someone who doesn’t want a dog, end up with a puppy?  Perhaps you are imagining a scene where someone like me, is taken in, by an adorable wide-eyed puppy, before they have the chance to gather their wits.  My adventure as dog-owner began at an adoption event with an abundance of adorable dogs, but I assure you I was not swayed by sad eyes or wagging tails.  For me, the decision to acquire a dog was cold & calculated.

In my lexicon of stuff every parent should know, is the idea that it is good to let a kid desire something before giving it to them.  In our culture of surplus & consumerism, we often inundate our children with stuff they never wanted because of our own whims.  Desire is a pleasure-enhancing part of life.  It is a great motivator which increases the satisfaction of finally getting what was desired.  Not only that, but learning to wait for things we want, is a necessary life skill to cultivate.

My son’s desire for a dog had reached critical mass.  I had held him off with a variety of  low-maintenance pets as long as was practically possible.  In my last attempt to buy time, I had promised him we could have chickens.  Over the preceding years, he & I had visited shelters & attended various adoption events, but we had yet to find “the” dog.

Since Beloved Soul Mate IS a dog person, he wanted to choose the dog, but his ideal dog and mine were not the same.  He is partial to the kind of dogs I find abhorrent, lumbering, slobbering overly-enthusiastic large dogs.  I was looking for a smallish dog, that wouldn’t ruin my life, carpets, shoes, or any other part of my comfortably-appointed home.  I wanted a dog who looked like he belonged to a boy.  This ruled out anything resembling a bedroom slipper or anything that couldn’t jump high enough to nab a Frisbee from mid-air.  The dog had to have endearingly floppy ears.  He couldn’t be taller than my knee or have a tail that would whip martini glasses off the coffee table.  (I’m not a martini drinker, but if the dog was a disaster, I anticipated becoming one.)  The tail criterion eliminated all the Old Yeller, Rin Tin Tin and Marley-type dogs.

Then it happened.  We were about our usual errands, when we stumbled upon an adoption event.  There he was–the dog of dogs.   A lively, but sedate puppy, who looked like he might age well.  As luck would have it, Beloved Soul Mate was out of town.  It was done.  I became part-owner of a dog.  This particular little fellow had been rescued in Tijuana.  Like others who have crossed the border for a better life, he is now beneficiary to all things American, including health care he doesn’t pay for.

If Beloved Soul Mate was surprised to learn that in his absence, I had procured a dog, he was more surprised to discover I am an exceptional dog-owner.  He was also surprised to realize I love the puppy.  The puppy is irresistable, but it has less to do with the creature, than the conviction that all living things are worthy of kindness and respect.  (I was good to the hamsters & reptiles too, even though I would have been happier to bury them, than to tend them.)  I have no respect for those who take pets, only to dispose of them when they cease to be enjoyable.  For me the decision to take any animal is a “til death do us part” responsibility.

The dog is here.  It is in my best interest to make the experience as pleasant as possible for both of us.  The dog and I, are both as happy as lottery winners.  He has acquired a yard, a boy  and has adopted a woman who will assure he is well-trained and well-fed.  He intends to care for me as best he can and we get along well.  It  helps that we are both early risers, with a love of a good midday nap.

The dog is very malleable and has quickly learned most of the things he needs to know.  He is proving to be both calm & smart.   He neither fouls my floors, nor barks at stuff of no consequence.  He is still learning and so am I.  In seven or eight years,  I will know whether or not it is possible to teach an old dog new tricks.   In the meantime, the dog is constructing his thesis on whether or not a new dog can teach an old gal new tricks.

March was a record-breaking month for de blog, but still narrowly missed the goal set for March by 14 readers.  I suspect the numbers will be off for a few weeks, as one of my most stalwart supporters was hospitalized this past week.  Had he not suddenly taken ill, I would have only missed the goal by 13 instead of 14.

See, this old friend is one of a very small number who has read every single word, seen every single typo, and actually notices when I post late.  Just knowing that he will be looking for the latest post, makes me feel bad, when I don’t meet my self-imposed schedule.  Thank God, he doesn’t have a whip, or the kind of personality that would take advantage of one.
I usually try to keep very personal things a little separate from de blog, but I’m making an exception today, because I know when he is able, he will read this.  Thinking of his situation, and praying for his well-being, brought the following song to mind.  Sending my very heartfelt prayers and the fond wishes for recovery to my cherished friend.

Regina Spektor – Laughing With