According to Sanjaya, every girl needs a gay best friend.

Unfortunately, I’ve had more gay boyfriends than gay best friends.  That’s a topic for another time, but I can tell you nothing will shake your confidence like a guy who does n‘t want to kiss you–EVER.  Thank God for the 12-step programs that brought my old gay boyfriends out of their closets long enough to “make amends”.  (By the way, I am a lovely “beard”.)

I’ve had a couple gay guy friends–but I’ve never been lucky enough to have a traditional gay best friend.  I have one, but mine isn’t one of those guys who is fabulously helpful with picking out things like fabrics & frames for the home–mine is one of those girls who could probably frame & build a home.

She & I have been friends since we were kids.  We were both gay back then–you know–the old school kind, just happy-go-lucky girls.  She’s a huge part of my life.  I love her,  she loves me and we have great chemistry.  Trouble is I’m not a lesbian.

Someone suggested to me I’d never know  if I was a lesbian unless I found the right girl.  Believe me, if I were a lesbian, she’d be my girl.

I mention her because of a remark I’ve heard many, many times.

Anyone who has ever been involved with a man, knows the other gender drives us crazy.  The main reason women attend things like Tupperware parties has nothing to do with keeping food fresh in plastic containers–we go to hang out and talk with “the girls”.  Inevitably, we talk about how men drive us crazy.  It’s very therapeutic, because it doesn’t take long to realize they all have faults (even the damn-near perfect ones).  As one of my girlfriends put it, “They’re all the same, they just come in different styles”.

I happened to be listening to a girlfriend complain about her husband when she said, “It would be so much easier to be a lesbian”.

I can’t count how many times I’ve heard women make remarks of that sort.  It often seems the girlfriends are easier to get along with than our mates.  The differences between men & women challenge relationships.   Men infuriate women simply because they think and act like men.

This causes many women to consider simplifying their relationships, by taking the most problematic thing out of the mix.  On it’s face, it seems a fail-proof solution.  If most of the problems in a relationship stem from the fact that men & women are different, wouldn’t  it follow that pairing up with a same-gendered partner would guarantee a better result?

I have no experience in this, but I have an opinion–the opinion is based on something I do have experience in–parenting.  Though we are blind to our own irksome qualities, we find those qualities impossible to ignore in our offspring.   Because of this, parents often have more difficulties with the child who is most like them.  There is a finite amount some qualities a relationship can handle.  Two stubborn people, two selfish people or two bitter people are just too much!  I’m pretty sure too much estrogen would have the same effect.

Can’t speak for anyone else, but I think I have more than enough estrogen for any relationship.  With that bothersome hormone, come things like female emotions and girly talkativeness.  That wouldn’t work out so well for me.  I’d have to relearn everything if I had a partner who talked as much as I do.  (It’s so much easier to talk endlessly when the other person isn’t listening anyway–a convenient, but very annoying man-trait.

I love to talk, however there is such a thing as talking too much or too much talking!  I have girlfriends who never tire of rehashing the same issues.  It’s exhausting.   Just as men fear the phrase, “We need to talk.”–if I were hooked up with a girl, it would fill me with dread too.  (At least with men, discussions eventually end–at some point, a man has said everything he has to say and heard everything he’s willing to hear).  It’s frustrating, but not nearly as tedious as being held hostage in conversational purgatory.

Saw a quote, that pretty much sums it up.    The trouble for a woman in a heterosexual relationship is that there is often too much sex and not enough talking–the problem for a woman in a lesbian relationship is that there is too much talking and not enough sex.

We all seek our perfect match.  Trouble is often our perfect match isn’t.  Most of us find our perfect match to be more a perfect compliment.  Matching two like-things is easy, coordinating unlike things is more challenging.

Once upon a time my mother used to dress me in the kind of clothes little girls wear–shoes, pants & shirt all the same color.  Matchy-matchy is precious, but not all that interesting.  Haven’t dressed that way since I was a girl.  I like to mix it up–keep things interesting.  I get at least as frustrated as anyone else with men, but I think I’d find a woman to be even more frustrating.

I truly love my girlfriends–they all rock.  I’ll even admit I find them way more attractive than most men.  (God knows they should be.  They spend more time, money & effort on their looks–not to mention having cuter hair, shoes & clothes.)  Doesn’t matter how cute they are, or how fun they are to hang with–I’m still not a lesbian.

Men guarantee days are rarely boring.  At the end of those days–I still want a man.

Postscript: Since publishing this post, I’m already catching flak from people who are disapproving of the “lesbian” thing.  Like it or not folks, some girls prefer the company of girls.  No amount of eyebrow raising is going to change that.   I will not impose my views on anyone else, because I only KNOW what is right for me.

One more thing, I realize my description of my gay best friend makes her sound less than attractive.  I should have mentioned that she’s beautiful, smart, funny, sexy and she can cook like your mother!

12 Responses to “Happy. Not Gay.”

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